Lending Strength
by Cheeky Slytherin Lass
Summary: Susan is afraid that Cormac will push her away if he knows that she's falling apart after the war. Cormac knows, and wishes Susan could see that she isn't weak.:: CormacSusan for Wren


_For Wren, as part of the Ultimate Fic Exchange. This is my first time even considering this pairing, but I ship it now._

* * *

Not for the first time, Susan wakes in a cold sweat, bolting upright. In her sleep, she must have screamed because Cormac is awake beside her, his eyes wide and concerned.

"Susan?" he soothes, wrapping an arm around her. "What is it?"

Susan shakes her head. She doesn't want to admit to the nightmares that have haunted her for weeks following the war. She doesn't want to be weak, not when Cormac, true to his Gryffindor nature, is so strong, so bold. She cannot be a burden to him.

"It's nothing," she whispers, but the quiver in her voice betrays the lie.

"Talk to me," he insists. "I'm your boyfriend. I'm supposed to help you."

Susan wonders if she can be helped at all. She feels so weak now, so helpless. Others have started to heal, but she feels as though something is holding her back.

"I'm fine," she says, her voice still trembling.

"Susan..."

She leans in and kisses him, grateful that it silences him, at least for the moment. She lays back on the mattress, pulling him down with her and curling into his side, her head resting on his chest.

"Susan."

She closes her eyes and pretends to have drifted back to sleep.

…

"Are you going to talk to me now?" Cormac asks when Susan enters the kitchen the following morning.

"There's nothing to talk about."

He rolls his eyes and sets a plate of eggs and sausage ok the table. "I'm not completely stupid, you know. You pretended to go back to sleep just so you wouldn't have to talk to me."

"I don't know what you-"

"You snore in your sleep. It's soft, almost sounds like you're whistling. And you weren't snoring."

"I do not snore!" she grumbles.

With a sigh, Cormac sits across from her. "What's so bad that you can't even tell me?" he asks. "I thought you trusted me."

"I do."

"Then talk to me."

Susan closes her eyes. She can still see the things that visit her in her sleep. Hannah, bleeding and in so much pain. Colin, sixteen but so small that he had looked like a child in death. Hooded figures everywhere, their wands drawn, ready to destroy, to kill.

When she opens her eyes again, she shudders in spite of the kitchen's warmth. "I still see them," she whispers. "All of them. The war isn't over, not in my dreams."

Cormac softens at that. He reaches across the table and takes her hand gently in his. "Why didn't you tell me? Why have you been suffering alone for months?"

"Because I'm weak, and you are not," she says simply.

"You're not weak," he sighs.

"My heart feels so heavy," she whispers. "And see them when I sleep, and when I wake up… I can still feel it. Like I should have done more to help them. Hannah wouldn't have been hurt. Colin wouldn't have died. I could have prevented it, but-"

"Stop that. Now. You should have told me."

"I didn't want to be a burden."

For the first time in her memory, Cormac looks hurt, as though her words have cut into him. He pulls away from her, cradling his face in his hands. "You aren't a burden," he says. "You could never be a burden to me. How could you think like that?"

"You're strong."

"I'm not. I just don't know how to handle emotions. No one ever taught me that. I close off and carry on. It's what my father did when my mother died," he explains. "It's all I've ever known. But you… God, Susan. You are so strong. You can grieve. You can be vulnerable. I envy you for that."

"I-"

"We're both dealing with this in our own way," he whispers. "We're both weak. We're both strong. We just wear it differently."

He climbs to his feet and crosses the distance between them, kneeling and resting his head on her lap. "Come to me when you're hurting, Susan. I can't promise to fix everything, but I can promise that you don't have to go through this alone. We need each other."

Susan nods, tears dotting her lashes. "I'll try," she whispers.

…

Susan screams when she wakes, her body trembling. It's still so vivid. The flash of green light, a woman she hadn't known falling down the staircase.

Susan gasps, struggling to catch her breath. It feels as though the demons that haunt her are suffocating her.

But Cormac is there. His strong arms wrap around her, pulling her closer. It's the closest thing to safety she has felt since the war.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He's asked her so many times before, but she's always refused. She's always been afraid of seeming weak to him. But now she knows the truth, that he is hurting just as much as she is.

She relaxes in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder. "It was Hogwarts again," she whispers. "I didn't know her, but she died right in front of me."

It amazes her that giving voice to the things inside her head seems to relieve her of a tremendous weight, a weight she hadn't known existed. She holds Cormac closer, choking back a sob as she recounts the woman on the staircase.

For the first time in months, she feels as though maybe, just maybe, she can heal.


End file.
